Welp. Yeah, that’s all I got. ;-P
No, not really. There is plenty to write about if I really want to grab at a topic and “yak”. The world feels a little like… we’re doomed? Of course, it has sort of felt that way for years growing up reading and hearing about the things that I have. There was always some hope that intelligence and science would prevail leading us into a golden age of learning and exploration, free from greed and the constant wars and conflicts that never improve anything. It’s a nice fantasy. And then I pop online and read the articles, the updates and the general opinions shared in comment sections all over the internet and realize that I may have hoped for a little too much for my own species at this stage in the game. We may be quite a few generations away from that kind of future yet, assuming we manage to survive another few generations of our own blunders.
Not feeling depressed right now, though not exactly cheerful. Go figure, even when the chemical reason for the blues goes away there are still plenty to be worried and saddened by. Sometimes it gets hard to tell what is mental illness and what is a normal reaction to non-stop terrible news. I guess it would be that general sadness about the world is understandable and navigable where as depression can be overwhelming and debilitating. When depression lifts, the relief is wonderful even if I’m not walking around with a goofy smile on my face. Like waking one day without a constant toothache that had been distracting you for weeks or even months, waking without depression is noticeably better even when life is not coming up all roses.
What a time to feel slightly better though. The skies have been ashy, yellow and even Halloween orange for days. The entire west coast seems to be burning this year, which is not incredibly surprising. People have had the science and warnings about pollution and it’s effect on the environment for decades, just many chose to ignore it. Nothing is all that shocking about where we’re at. We helped cause this and we should all feel ashamed, but shame seems to be a thing Americans look at as weakness rather than a sign that it is time to change. We’re all gods supposedly (HA!) and we’re all internet stars. Who cares if the world we leave our kids is a smoldering, nearly-lifeless, cancer-causing rock?
For now my town and kids are safe, so I’ll count those blessings until that changes. The mountains and how the wind moves through them helps just a little with the air quality, though on some days it is still quite bad. Yesterday it got so dark and orange outside that it looked like we were on another planet with a completely different atmosphere. Even with every curtain in the home pulled open, the house was dark. And though the reasoning is pretty scary, the view has been spectacular at times. Blood red moons, dark pink suns and yellow and orange skies; it feels a little like someone changed Earth’s texture pack.
Yet with everything that has taken place this year I feel closer to peace than I have in a long time. Not really expecting or waiting on anyone or thing anymore, just preparing and watching to see how the story develops. Okay with the idea of my life perhaps not traveling the paths I once thought it would; I’m just tired of killing myself trying to hang onto old dreams and ideas. Sometimes I stand in the way of my own evolution, it is something that should be unlearned.
Going to log off now and get back to life. Not sure how available I am going to be on the net over the next weeks, guess I’ll play it by ear and how I feel. It’s not like I’m hard to track down and say Hello to when people need me. I’ve always been just a quick message away for many of you.