Another Monday, though they just do not have that “Monday” feel anymore. Everyday is simply a new day, the name given to it stopped meaning something a while ago.
Still feeling decent. Something like “good” though perhaps not as strong. Started taking a new more natural supplement some weeks ago that seems to help, which is surprising. After the complete lack of results from various doctor-prescribed depression and anxiety medications in the past I had expected that most things in pill form would be ineffective. I may have been mistaken.
It happens, occasionally being mistaken that is.
Reading about all of the craziness in the world has become a bit of a early morning/later in the evening ritual these days. Sometimes it takes some self reminding that the world has always been filled with terrible, terrible human-related stories. It seems wherever we pop up in history, chaos ensues. War, rape, murder, lies, slavery, forced sex trade, discrimination and squandering of resources… we like to treat these things as if they are somewhat recent issues or issues only stretching back a few hundred years rather than admit they are part of our long standing tradition as humans. Humans have always been a move-in-and-conquer species. It is how we survived and evolved this far and one day it will be how we end.
Still, we can’t help but keep trying for those brighter ideas and goals we never quite reach as a collective. Our determination to not fail could pay off one day if we learn how to properly use it. Even I like to indulge in that illusion of a better future that we call Hope. Deep down I do wish it possible because I already brought more people into this world and have to leave it to them when I am gone. As awful as it all seems on some days I’m not in the business of burning down everything that displeases me; I am a fixer at heart. It is the only thing that makes any real sense anymore.
Natural news is easier to read though still quite scary at times. Mother nature has never been a easy roommate, not that we have done much to keep up our end of this fragile shared-earth agreement. Still, there is no malice in a storm, flood, earthquake or wildfire, just more dangerous obstacles to overcome and lessons to learn about how we treat this limited amount of space we were given to live on. There is no Earth 2, yet so many live like there is.
No, malice is a common human trait and one I have spent years trying to weed out of my own soul. It is still something I have to deal with in myself and coming from others, but it’s becoming a low I do my best to no longer sink to. The older I get the more clear it becomes that anger and hate never solved one real problem in history. Sadly real change often does comes with bloodshed, but usually the blood being spilled is that of those who want a peaceful or better world. The rest are too bitter and tied up in their “it’s always been this way!” logic to even entertain the idea of genuine change.
Though I understand that kindness, compassion and generosity are difficult and not goals shared by everyone, it seems worthwhile to try and be a better person each day anyway. I am not a bubbly person or one prone to many overly-positive thoughts, but even I can see the benefit of not being a another self-serving, destructive POS in the machinery. It may not change the world, or my local community or the opinions of those in my life who may hold harsher, colder beliefs. But it will slowly change who I am on the inside, and considering what I have left behind and evolved past that alone seems worth the effort.
This smile almost felt real. Whatever is changing on the inside, something is working.