I’ve been in a good mood all week and today was great. The daily routine went on with hardly any bumps. Work sailed by and I caught more than the usual amount of breaks. I saw people I knew all throughout the week; some old co-workers, others old friends. A friend stopped in work today with her baby boy and said Hi. Then things got so quiet at work that I was able to catch up and clock out forty minutes early.
It’s Friday so I was happy about that. The sun popped out and I didn’t hide from it like a combustible vampire but instead enjoyed feeling it on my skin after what has seemed like a million cloudy days. I walked up the street to the store to buy some new makeup items. Normally I avoid splurging on beauty products but the tax return was decent this year so I figured I could afford the little bit of fun. Red lipstick with matching liner and nail polish. New makeup brushes. Eye shadow. Mascara. The works. Some color to throw in my hair for fun. Straight-up blonde is boring and driving my crazy. Maybe a splash of indigo and teal will fix that.
My boyfriend met me as I was loading up on color products and snacks for the kids. We picked up dinner and some other items and rode the bus toward home. I heard myself laugh and realized that it sounded genuine, because it was.
It was just a good day. At the end of a good week. So of course I don’t trust it.
Always waiting for the other shoe to drop; I have to wonder where the line is between acceptance and pessimism. I accept that I am going to have bad days and that little dark storm cloud that loves to hover above may never be very far away. I don’t fool myself into thinking “I must be cured!” when I am able to come up for some air and light. I may always be writing my way through the dark days, how many left I may or may not be blessed with. This is okay. This is normal for many people and I accept the challenge.
Today however was a good day. At the end of a good week. The family just finished eating a delicious dinner. The floors in the apartment are finally done and life has almost returned to normal. I’m sipping on a mug of coffee, listening to a podcast and letting my mind wander as my body relaxes. Two days off. What on earth can I get into? Let’s start with the hair dye…